Comedy / The Wedge

The Socialist Pig and Balaclava: What’s in a name?


The Socialist Pig Coffeehouse, Gananoque

Business names are critical to success; they can make or break them. Some names are so dull or common customers simply cannot remember them. A cafe in Gananoque bears the name, The Socialist Pig*, a name so counter-intuitive, it elicits guffaws. You are compelled to see what’s going on inside.

Now, towns’s and hamlet’s names define everything within to an outsider. Or draw a chuckle from passers-by.


Now, when it comes to naming towns or hamlets in the wedge,  some leave me chuckling. Don’t get your kilts in a knot over this post!

  1. Sweets Corners is just a few miles from Morton. Funny by proximity.
  2. Then you have a town called Balaclava, the favorite headgear of thieves and the uninvited. But then, phonetically, it also reminds me of a sweet Greek desert.
  3. How about Froatburn. I dunno, pass me a lozenge.
  4. So Roebuck is evidently not with Sears anymore. Alright, that’s corny.
  5. Speaking of corny, Ivy Lea, didn’t quite make the cut at the big U.
  6. Pondering Brightside raises my expectations. As does Bonville. Better be good!
  7. Then you have towns with rudimentary names like, Tincap and Outlet. Perhaps I’ll find a hamlet named Countertop.
  8. Alfred may have a population of one since Maria and Max declare scale, Mariatown and Maxville.
  9. Bolingbroke makes me shudder about the future; but, it also reminds me that I once bowled 250. It’s a Jekyll-Hyde thing.
  10. Elphin. I’m thinking beyond the shire, all fairy-like.
  11. Now Gravel Hill does not stir my innards. I wonder, is there a pit next door?
  12. Ompah makes me think of an ouzo toast, or a Buddhist chant, or a cuddly name for a foreign Grandpa. This one is the Swiss-Army-Knife of Town names.
  13. Wemyss. This one is either named after a tiny lady or it opines, people keep driving by.
  14. I don’t even know what to make of Forfar; I would not want to hear it pronounced after three beers. It’s also endemic to canine language.
  15. Let’s finish on a good note shall we? Aaaah, Newbliss. Needs no words.

I trust you will recover from this silly post if you live in these towns and hamlets. I beg your forgiveness–temptation overcame me! We have to laugh at ourselves a little. Don’t we? In my case, it’s not an option.

If you have more hilarious takes on these or any names in the wedge , please comment below.

I want to visit all these places. Hopefully they will receive me after this indignation!

  • NOTE: The Socialist Pig has changed its ownership, and name to “Laverne’s.”

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