Comedy / Opinion

“One small step for people, one giant leap for peoplekind”

First peoplekind on the moon. PHOTO BY NASA

By MAGGIE M, Editor, the wedge.LIVE

Canada now exerts its participation in its Southern neighbor’s exploration of space. Our PM corrects the first words by Neil Armstrong as he stepped off the module onto the lunar surface. Amstrong pronounced a string of words known around the world–a meme which united everyone. This 1969 historical moment captured on film set aside our planetary differences and xenophobia. Everyone cheered in unbridled admiration.

Thank goodness our PM is leading the lingo to correct Armstrong and enrich our biggest trading partner’s lexicon–not to mention our own. Now, we can do away with that objectionable “man,” that horror of a prefix that is at the core of all our troubles.

Our superheroes must be permitted to fly as “Batpeople,” “Superpeople” and “Spiderpeople.” Otherwise these movies and books must be banned.

Facebook, Twitter, Google and other gulags must ban those who use the offensive, “man,” “wo-man” and “mankind.” They are very skilled at righting algorithms to do this quickly.

So enough of these offensive words with their etymologies based on mankind. From now on we look to androgynous:

  • peoplegement for a job application
  • streets covered in peopleholes
  • windows that display peoplennequins
  • Chinese who speak Peopledarin
  • military who perform peopleoeuvers
  • a periodic table featuring peopleganese
  • NYC’s island now Peoplehattan
  • first responders now pursue peopleiacs
  • we schedule peopleicures
  • objects are now peopleufactured
  • and control freaks are peoplenipulative

We can do this. Oxford and Webster will have to get busy with this transformation. All prefixes and suffixes can be easily searched and 86’d. It is a revenue windfall for wordsmiths.

As Valentine’s Day nears I reflect on Calvin Lewis’s re-titled song, “When a peoplekind loves a peoplekind.”

Yes, this a comedic parody of sorts.

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